I used to have a Washington Mutual Bank Account. I switched from Bank of America nine years ago. I liked Washington Mutual. I rarely had any problems with them that they weren’t willing to work with me on. But a few years ago, I opened an account with USAA and they are hands down the most amazing bank EVER.
For this reason, my WaMu usage dwindled down and then eventually was nothing. They were taken over by Chase a while ago. I haven’t touched the account in over six months. I don’t even know what my PIN is for my Chase debit card, and come to find out that I didn’t even know where the card was to begin with. The only reason I bothered closing the account is because I got a notice in the mail from Chase saying that they were going to change the type of account I have, and would start charging me $12 a month for my account. I had $14.54 in that account.
I knew I had to close the account by the end of this month. Now, keep in mind, I have USAA, which does not have any branches. Everything is online and amazing. However, in the past few months I have had reason to go into Bank of America to make a deposit into a friend’s account and to go into Bank of the West to get $60 in quarters. I don’t have accounts at either of these banks, but service was quick and polite. The teller at Bank of the West totally hooked me up with six rolls of quarters without even a thought of throwing some side eye my way. He told me I could go outside to pull out $60 from the ATM or they could do a “cash advance” on my debit card like they would a credit card. They didn’t even charge me for that service.
So I’m thinking that maybe going into Chase won’t be so bad. After all, these two other banks where super helpful and nice, and I wasn’t even an account holder.
I walk down to Chase with my 15 month old daughter in a stroller. The people were nice when I first walked in. Even the teller I talked to for 30 seconds was nice. She told me (after I waited in line to see a teller in the first place) that I had to put my name on a list and someone would help me close my account. I was mildly annoyed, but being that VINNY was there waiting for me, my annoyance washed quickly away. Until I got back to his cubicle.
I explained that I hadn’t used this account in over six months; I had an account with USAA and I do all of my business through them.
“Oh but they are a credit union.”
“Um. Yeah, I don’t know about that, but I know that I do all my banking through them and they are amazing.”
“There are so many advantages to having this account. You’ve had it for nine years.”
“Yeah, but I don’t use it.”
“It’s a free account. And there are so many advantages to having it.”
“No, it’s not a free account. I got a letter from Chase saying that they were going to start charging me $12 a month to keep it, and I think I have maybe $15 in there.”
“Oh, you just have to use your account and it will remain free.”
“Um, I don’t use it. I haven’t used it. I do everything through USAA.”
Finally, he agreed to close it. He told me I had $14.54 in it. I asked if he could please give me a roll of quarters as part of the money. Sure… no problem.
He left and it was me and the baby staring at each other in a perfectly boring cubicle. Time goes by. I hear someone that sounds suspiciously like my good friend Vinny who cares so much about my money and the advantages to having a Chase account. Certainly, it can’t be Vinny, since I don’t have my money (or driver’s license since he took it with me) and now the baby is starting to get fussy.
About 10 minutes go by, and I STILL hear this guy talking. At this point, I’m convinced it can’t be Vinny because I’ve been overhearing this PERSONAL conversation and there is no way that my money’s guardian angel would just leave me in a frightfully small cubicle with a 15 month old child.
Baby is just getting more and more fussy. She’s a CHILD and I didn’t anticipate being in a box for ten minutes. Clearly, neither did she. I get up, look around, and I think I see Vinny talking to some girl to my right. I look around, some guy who left with the same blue zipper bag after Vinny left has already returned. At this point, I don’t care about my $14.54. All I want is my driver’s license. I go up to the front of the bank and ask them to get Vinny. I need to leave. The guy goes in the back, and comes out again and says, “I’m sorry; he’s not back there. Oh! There he is TALKING TO THAT GIRL.”
Vinny, You fucking asshole.
I go over to him, and tell him I need to leave now, may I please have my license. He pulls out my license and money… in dollar bills. I look at him and he says, “We’re out of quarters.”
You fucking dick.
First of all: You want me to believe how IMPORTANT it is to have an account at a fucking bank that doesn’t even have QUARTERS? A BANK!?!??!?!
Secondly: Liar.
Anyway, Vinny sucks and since Chase employs said Vinny suckage, they suck too.
Mental Diarrhea 